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I swear to you that it wasnt always this way. I was happy once. We were happy together once however that time now seemed
like a golden age long since past. That was all before she started hanging around with Derek, before all the drugs, and before
she ousted me as the drunk of the relationship. It was all lost somewhere in the dark of the bar we had spent, for all intents
and purposes, every night before and after Derek. Tonight started out no differently, though it had been raining all day with
no signs of letting up anytime soon. On a night like tonight, when the rain's voice is louder than all the drunks stupid enough
to stand outside in it, nothing good can really happen. Rain like this has a tendency to bring out the rats. Back inside,
I was sitting alone with my principles in pretty much the same spot as I was a few hours ago, only now the rain had soused
my until so recently comfortable clothes and my hair was plastered too my forehead as if I had intended it to be that way.
The bar was oh so dimly lit and you'd only notice if you cared enough to take a second glance at me. I had walked across the
parking lot in this wonderful weather from the bar to the atm in the next plaza; not that far of a walk, but certainly far
enough to afford me this dashing new look. I was after all, one of the rats driven out into the street. The best part was
that I had walked all that way to get twenty more dollars only to afford Serena's habit. Her mood was slightly less than palatable
without her fix. However, by the time I had gotten back to the bar, the band had started playing and everyone seemed in high
spirits. The mood almost pierced even my gelid heart; until I heard that slick faggot order my drunken girlfriend a drink.
"Rum and coke for me and two socolimes for my friend here."
His voice floated over the crowd and crash landed in my head. It started to throb and all I could think about was breaking
a leg off his bar stool, and beating him with it until the white of his skull rested quietly atop his coaster. But that's
irrational and I shouldn't think that. I had always hated Derek. He was always a fuckin prick, and apparently; he was all
over her. I noticed briefly, and began to weigh my options. I decided and motioned to Jimmy the John, that I was in dire need
of a fresh pint.
Fuck it.
Let him have her. I've come too far to start caring now. When Serena's drunk, it doesn't take much more than a free drink
and a few kind words to get her wet. Looking over at Derek, I watched his eyes dare me to react while he drained the contents
of another socolime shot with my purported girlfriend; the patron saint of faithful living rubbing traces of white away from
her nostrils. It's a terrible feeling watching your better half run along with a guy that once called you friend and ally.
Such to the point that it leaves you numb, it leaves you unable to do anything about your situation other than play the role
of pariah eternal. I felt something boiling inside of me ready to pop top like new years champagne. Just as I began feeling
that I was about to do something rather rash; I was brought about by Jimmy the John bringing me over my pint.
"Aren't you gonna say anything to your friend there? That's your girl he's takin the liberty with aint it?"
he leaned over the counter talking to me as if he was my father and I had forgotten my chores. Born in Ireland, comes to America
and he's a fucking bartender; go figure.
"Yeah Jimmy, she's my girl alright. She's a peach aint she? Real zest for living that one's got." I
opened up the back of my throat and let the cold frothy heaven grace down it. "Wouldn't want to take that away from her
would I? Who the hell am I anyway?" Half my pint was gone by the time that statement was finished. Jimmy just shook his
head and returned to the payin customers; once again leaving me alone with my principles.
No one was ever sure why Serena and I were together for so long or why we got together in the first place. Loud, abrasive,
emasculating girl meets timid introvert with a proclivity for folding under pressure. It's a bed of fuckin roses. Anyway I'd
chalk the lifespan up to unwillingness on my part to put my foot down, maybe explain to her that I'm not really down with
her fucking my friends. She treated me like she was doing me a favor. I should have put a stop to this nonsense last time
she showed up at my house wasted. It is however rather difficult to say no when she's ready to go. I ran that thought through
my head so many time I could have sworn I started to say it out loud. After a hot minute, I realized what need to be done.
After the pint had been spent, a silent nod of approval came from Jimmy the John on the other side of the bar and I watched
as his gaze went from me, to Derek and Serena and back. Slowly removing myself from my stool of shame, walked over to the
scene of the crime, I knew what had to be done.
"Hey faggot!" they both looked at me like I was a nuisance so I figured I had better make this
quick so they would be able to return to their wonderful evening promptly. "Where did you ever get that shit eating grin
you're wearin from Derek?" I clenched my fist, and asserted myself. The loss of said shit eating grin told me he did
not see this coming.
I'm pretty sure the one shot busted his nose right good, but I gave him a few more to be absolutely sure I had.
It's a fine thing to be sure.
Ignoring Serena's deluge of banshee cries and four lettered words, I walked through the crowd; leaving her to
attend to the wounded snake whom I could hear gurgling something about there being "fucking blood on his fucking Armani
shirt". Once I made it outside I felt better; felt righteous. I lit my cigarette in defiance of the now tapering waterfall,
and started calmly making my way through the parking lot towards the main road. Ever so calmly. As I approached; I heard the
bar door damn near fly off its rusted hinges and hit the wall as the sound of sheer poetry pierced the starless night sky.
"Where is that fucking asshole?!" Serena has made it outside.
I turned around and kind of watched her as my cigarette soaked in pellets of rainwater ruining any chances of
enjoying the nicotine. I watched thinking about how it came to this and how all I really wanted at this point was to go home,
get stoned, and go to bed. Wake up tomorrow and give it all another go. Tomorrow she'll apologize again and tell me she loves
me. Tomorrow I'll take her back and let her feed me another line. Tomorrow I will swallow my pride and listen to all my friends
tell me about how I "don't need that whore". I snapped out of the momentary spaceout when I heard Derek's car alarm
go off due to the fact that said strumpet was too drunk to disable the alarm properly. Realizing to my dismay the rain had
completely destroyed my stub of a cigarette and I was now utterly soggy. Yet in spite of these slight inconveniences, I managed
to catch Serena's gaze. She was glistening with rain drops, her hair just starting to dampen as the spikes in her "bad
bitch" hair began to lose heart. Her drunken glare faded into a kind of preternatural motherly smile, only for a split
second before twisting violently in a hatred fueled scowl that would have sent shivers down the spine of any man. Those icy
cold blue eyes are what did it, those eyes that up until so very recently I had found solace and comfort in, did not leave
me until she was fully inserted into the driver seat of the banana yellow car Derek's father bought him. Nice car, but it
was banana.
The chains of shame and self loathing fell to the ground and brought my head down with them as the tires of the
banana car spun out on the pavement sending oil and water in every direction. The car pulled up to the front door of the bar
as Derek staggered out holding his nose and his head tilted back, sure enough with blood all over his fucking Armani shirt
which, truth be told, made me smile. He shook his head at me and scoffed; because he had every right too. Tomorrow he is going
to wake up not alone, but with a beautiful woman by his side. Tomorrow he will get into his banana car and take Serena out
to breakfast. Tomorrow will be just fine for him; it brings a promising future that has little to nothing with who he takes
home tonight. Serena knows this but she'll never admit it. She won't admit it until she's forty years old with two kids all
to herself collecting Marlboro miles for their birthday gifts because her new man took off with the rent money. Then she'll
blame everyone else for where she ended up. Hell; she'll probably even blame me.
Her tires spun again and let out a sort of death rattle if you will, and took off into the street and out of my
peripheral. After hearing the car round the corner to the main road, something else caught my attention, something else was
comin round the bend. Brakes. Big brakes. The next thing I heard was a hollow thud followed by the shattering of glass that
fully explained what had transpired. The death rattle was no longer, and its place was being taken by the antiphonal choir
of the two steel beasts hissing at each other. As I turned around I saw the banana car lodged in the grill of a Peterbilt
18-wheeler halting to an abrupt and clumsy stop.
It hit her side.
It hit her side.
It hit her side.
I saw Derek's head come out of the passenger side hole and cry out for his mother to save his life; maybe she
bought the banana car for him not his father, as the bar emptied out for all to gaze upon this tragedy, and everyone began
clawing at the keypads of their cellular phones and what have you. I saw Jimmy the John through the crowd. He was yelling
something at me as I started running towards the crash I couldn't quite hear. I'm pretty sure he was saying "what the
fuck". By the time I reached the car the snake had somehow manage to squirm out of the wreckage and leave the scared
shitless truck driver prying at the shattered windshield remnants to get at the contents of the banana car. Pushing him off
to the side I ripped out the last pieces of glass, tearing chunks of flesh from my hands in the process. I lowered myself
into what was left, and took Serena's mangled hand into my own. She was sputtering blood trying to speak when I noticed the
side paneling had pierced her side and blood was pouring out everywhere. There were bits of glass lodged in her face sticking
long ways out. It seemed unreal; in fact, it seemed far too real to be real.
"I'm sorry." Is what she finally managed to force out. Please don't do this to me. Don't leave
me with this burden. "I'm so very sorry."
"Hush hush now there's nothing to be sorry about just save your strength." I could hear sirens
coming nearer and people crowding mumbling about why she was in the banana car. "The ambulance is going to be here any
second and you're going to be fine you hear me? You hear me dammit?!" She paused, and that smile came back, and her face
looked beautiful in a truly fucked up kind of way.
"I love you." I love you. She fucking did it. She was making sure I was going to live with this
guilt for the rest of my life. There was blood everywhere and I knew she wasn't going to make it. There's no way you survive
after becoming a hood ornament for a Peterbilt, but I told her that I loved her anyway and I told her everything was going
to be fine.
"Don't be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry about. Save your breath, the ambulance is getting real
close." I was nearly in tears. I kept telling myself not to cry for this whore but I could not forget how much I loved
her. I let the tears come. "I'm gonna take you out in the morning for breakfast, anywhere you want to go. We'll go down
to the Egg and I and you can get that omelet you like."
"Can I ...";she coughed up a little more blood. "Can I get a Belgian waffle?"
"Of course you can. Anything you want." I tried to focus on calming her but all I could focus
on was the sound of that slick faggot yelling about needing immediate medical attention from the street. She couldn't have
been all that bad if she could maintain a sense of humor through all of this.
"I'm sorry for this I truly am." That sentence actually made it out of her mouth in one shot,
uninterrupted by sputtering.
"What could you possibly have to be sorry for at this particular moment in time?" The police
were skidding into the parking lot with ambulances visible a ways down the road. " Everything is going to be fine and
tomorrow everything will be perfect" Tomorrow everything will go back to the way it used to be when she would tell me
she loved me for no reason whenever she felt like it, before the drinking and the drugs; and before Derek fucked it all up
by giving her that shit. Tomorrow Derek won't come over while we're together to take her out, tomorrow promises to make up
for today.
With all of her remaining strength, she pulled herself close to me; glass crunching with her every move, and blood
pouring in new directions every time she inhaled; her skin getting paler by the second as her life force poured out into my
lap. I watched closely as the crimson pool formed around her tongue and she prepared her mouth to speak and in leaning in
close to hear the message imparted, all of tomorrow's promises were shattered in less than a heartbeat. In two words, lay
my destruction. Two words she uttered to me as her soul evacuated and her body went limp falling forward into my chest. She
smiled at me; she smiled a most venomous smile, and whispered;
"I'm pregnant."
© 2007 Boyd Johnson
merry christmas from throwrag.
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